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Every so often, there will be discourse online about ancestor veneration, who should or shouldn't do it, why people might shrink away or avoid doing it, whether it's right to avoid doing it, or the like. For my part, I think ancestor veneration is for everyone, and that everyone should be engaged in some form of ancestor veneration, but I think what gets lost in discourse about this is that it's common to conflate ancestor veneration with more in-depth practices involving ancestors specifically or the dead generally that not everyone should be doing.
In Christianity, they try to have everyone join the church, because to them Christianity is a universal tradition. However, even then, they still recognize that not everyone is cut out for holy orders, and so it's fine if they just remain in the laity without having to be more involved than that. In a similar way, while I do truly believe that some form or another of ancestor veneration is for everyone, I don't think all possible practices that get involved with them are appropriate for everyone; some people just need to remember and respect the people whose work brought them about to their own life, and that's that, without trying to take on the burden on their own of healing generational trauma or relieve family curses.
It's true that everyone—every single living human alive—has problematic ancestors who did awful things, and there is no human who has every ancestor with a perfectly clean record. That's not how this works, and we each need to come to terms with our lineage's history. But—but!—that doesn't mean it's on us as individuals to manually heal or repair every single bad thing each of our ancestors have ever done. Sometimes, that's for experienced practitioners; sometimes, for other ancestors to step up and help with; sometimes, for God and the gods alone to deal with.
On top of all this, it should be remembered that venerating our ancestors does not necessitate venerating their deeds, whether as a whole or even in part, especially if those deeds were crimes against humanity or dignity. Sometimes, it's just a matter of recognizing that they played a part in bringing you into this world, holding the past accountable for itself, and that's that. For most people, that's really all that's needed. From a practical standpoint, ancestor veneration doesn't need to be primary in the life of everyone, but I claim that it should be there in at least some regard. After all, you have no innate ties stronger from the get-go to any entity or class of spirits but your own ancestors. Because of that, you don't need to build a shrine or gather materia to honor or contact them, because you yourself are the shrine and the materia for that. You are the living embodiment of your ancestors because you are their continuation and descendant—a different person, to be sure, but still alive and existing no less because of what they did and all that they did. For that reason, our ancestors are almost universally the easiest for us to contact, the fastest for us to get working with. You already have an open door to them; the foundations of the relationship are already there in ways you don't have from the get-go with other entities.
As much as it's a cross-cultural phenomenon to honor the gods—no matter what group or which individual ones—it is also a cross-cultural phenomenon to honor the dead. There's a reason why so much of magic is popularly synonymous with "necromancy", both inside and outside the West. And no, you don't have to love your ancestors (though it helps if you do), no more than you have to love your family (though it helps if you do). We just recognize that there are ties that cannot be broken, and that those ties are recognized both on our side and the Other side. You may not feel you should have to give your attention and time to your ancestors, but it is a fact that it's because of your ancestors that you have attention and time to give at all; without your ancestors, you literally would not be here. Credit them at least for that much. Don't want to rehabilitate the more deplorable of your ancestors? Don't, then; that's up to you, living representative of your own dead that you are. But at least recognize them for the work they did, even if it's just a once-in-a-lifetime-fuck, in getting you into this world. Do we have asshole ancestors? Absolutely, every one of us does—and we also have many that aren't assholes! Give them more attention than the assholes, and let them deal with the assholes; you're not obliged to work with those you find unworkable, after all. At the same time, you don't just have asshole ancestors; you also have whole legions of healers, teachers, and warriors ready and willing to work with you for the sole reason that you're their family, the very continuation of their own works and hopes that are entrusted to you. After all, nobody arose fully-formed from the Earth without parents or ancestry, and neither you nor I nor anyone cannot change the circumstances of our birth. And yes, we all have the say and ability to live our lives as best we see fit, and I'll never say otherwise.
But. We also need the decency and awareness to admit that we didn't get here on our own, at least not at some fundamental level. The gods enable life, so we honor them; the ancestors gave us life, so we should also honor them. As a result, I personally find those who willingly forego or ignore ancestor veneration, in some form or another, to be in as bad a state as those who ignore the importance of spiritual hygiene (banishing, cleansing, bathing, etc.) or of proper nutrition in one's diet. Maybe you're not ready for it; maybe your trauma or pain is too great, and those are legitimate problems that need to be worked on over time. But you can't engage in the work of "know thyself" without looking at the past and giving credit to those who got you where you are today. And even if you want to forego your blood-kin, you have other kin, too, that deserve your honor: those of faith, of trade, of culture, of place. Ancestor veneration covers them, too—family all the same, in the grander sense of humanity as a whole. Even then, it's still your blood-kin who gave you your raw materials to start with, that of your own breath. If nothing else, give them credit for that. Feel thankful if you want or feel smug if you don't, but give them credit for having lived before you so you can live now.
Do some people have issues with their family, living or dead? Sure, no doubt, and quite often to traumatic levels that span generations. And that requires work on all our parts, both ours and theirs. (I'm not immune from this, either, not one whit, lest you think I am.) It doesn't change the fact that I still honor my ancestors for giving me the chance to be who and what I am, building on what they did all for the better, surpassing what they could and doing what they couldn't, all because they started the process that continues with me now. Likewise, your blood and bone are ties to the ancestors that cannot be changed or undone. But you have other ties to other ancestors, too: those of profession and vocation, those of religion and faith, those of culture and place. Though not as materially binding, they too are important. You, and all that you are and all that you do, are built on the backs of the innumerable dead, a boat borne aloft by the sea of the dead. One day, you (and all who come after you) will join them; better to make waves now to make your descent with them all the easier and kinder. Whether or not you hold that reincarnation takes place within family lines, you are the living chance for the redemption of your ancestors. Do not squander your chance to make that redemption for their wrongs, and do not have your descendants make up for your own shortcomings. After all, you too will become an ancestor, in one sense or another. Do you want those whose lives you yourself enable by your works in this life to deny you your own due because they judge you based on the actions of others? If not, then why do this to those already dead?
Besides, death changes quite a bit, especially for the dead themselves. Don't judge the worth and worthiness of the many by the actions of the (comparable) few.